There were times when bad memories came across my mind. Yeah, in weaknesses, we used to remember bad things we've passed through. So did I. If I would remember any single memory of that, oh, that will bring me to unexpected feelings. But I've just realized that many bitterness, hurt, wounds, all bad feelings had already left behind me. Thank God for being my hiding place. I've cast all my burdens upon Him. He touched my heart, recovered me and I knew that my life would never be the same ever since.
I could never forget one day when my heart filled up with grief. Had no idea why my memory brought me to my dad who died several years ago. Suddenly, hatred came up into my heart. I hated him because he seemed to be careless about his family. He left us without 'enough' money to survive (meanwhile ones supposed that he was a rich man!). He didn't leave any inheritance for his family (in spite of him should afford it!). He died because he had always liked to be busy, he wasn't able to just sit and do nothing. He was a workaholic, he liked to go here and there, and the peak was when he visited his hometown, accelerated a huge service on an open field there for several days, which he was also the only preacher (oh, he was not type of 'mild' preacher. When he preached, he would totally released all his energy out of him. You know, loud in speaking! The native folks there loved him because he was the native also, and he could preached in their native language) though my mom had begged him not to because he had just passed through a heart operation the month before. He was very exhausted then, that eventually brought him to a heart attack and in sudden left us, his beloved-family-should-be, in a bright Sunday morning...
I got my eyes filled with tears as I remembered him. I was so sorry about his death. Why did God call him so immediate? While I was 17 and still blind about this world... I wasn't experienced enough about this life. I was really count on him as a father, as the one who should always took care of me, protected me and did everything for me as his lovely child...
But God's will was different from mine. And that time, I was questioning about that. I was questioning about His cruelty for my family (it seemed so to me, at least at that time). I was so demanding about our needs, about many things God seemed to ignore about us, my family...
And, (oh I remember this clearly in my mind) suddenly I heard Him spoke to my heart,
Even though you've lost your dad, you still have Me. I'll always be there for you.
I am your greatest inheritance and I will forever and ever more. What are you still worrying about? I am able to fill up your needs!
(Oh my goodness, never imagined I have to translate this to English, cause I heard Him spoke to me in Bahasa Indonesia LOL).
Ever since, my way of thinking changed. If I used to be worrying everything, I've turned into a fearless person, who is not to worry about anything anymore. Cause I really know for sure, that I have God who had promised and will keep His promises up.
Time flies. Years go by and 'till now, I've seen His goodness along my journey. Even, I could see His fingerprints wherever I am. Even though He seems not to show up, I know He's always there with me. And He will.
A verse from Psalm 23 pops up into my mind.
Though I walk through the valley of the death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me..
If God be for us, who can be against us? (Rom 8:31).
Whenever I questioned about who was guilty that my family seemed to be dismissed and forgotten, The Bible always reminds me that that would never be a matter who is guilty, neither my dad, nor the circumstance, but that the works of God should be made manifest in our family (that does really matter!).
Whenever I feel anxious or scared, I'll turn to His promise that He'll always be there for me. Cause He was The One who had promised me. I've never asked Him to do it! :)
I'm so proud that I have A Heavenly Father. In this world I have no father anymore. But my heavenly Father cares much more better for me than him. He knows the best for me. He provides anything I need and He upholds me with His right hand that'll lead me toward victory. I am safe and guaranteed in His hands.
He is unlike any other.
Have you felt this way about God?