CHASING HAPPINESS

Have you ever chased happiness? How does it feel? What is actually you're chasing for? What's the right definition for happiness actually for you?

Should we be happy if we got the job we want? Or if we just got the spouse we've dreamt for years? Or had a new car? Or got the chance for vacation around the world freely? Or living such a 'happily ever after' life with our family like common people? What?

I haven't found it yet. The true definition of happiness, I mean. We have no true standard for it yet. For moment at least. We just flow with what such do really matter in our society. We'll be following whatever those would be: Goldliving lifestyle, expensive car, big house, good buy, great outlook, whatever. But, do those stuff really define who we truly are?

Have no idea..

Sometimes I do feel happy, like having no burden to bear, or problems to think about. But yeah, sometimes I feel bad also. I couldn't predict what is waiting for me next. Couldn't understand what's the source of my problems, why did they come to me, sort of . Eventually I just saw the darkness covered my life. There's no light at all. No destination. No hope. No dreams. No passion. No desire. What's my life supposed to be then?

Meanwhile, everybody do demand on me, put so much responsibilities on me, feel like everybody's staring at me and say 'It's your duty. You can't run from that away. You have to be here and handle all of that stuff for us!'

The question is, why should I? Isn't there another people could do it for me? Take the burdens out of me and just –oh, please- enlighten my life. Please?

Is there anybody out there?

Have no definition, even have no understanding what happiness is really about. Especially for my life myself. Nothing.

So, what should I run for then? Just fleeing myself (from what? Reality?) or do such a pursuing of something I could call happiness?

Had I ever been being happy? Not really sure. Perhaps, in the past. A little. But, if I had, why do I couldn't remember how did the way I feel happy anyway?

Yeah, it really doesn't look like me, do I?

That's fine. I just want to outpour my remarks and my feelings all of my mind.

I think writing is always been better than just murmuring, isn't it?

It'd be relieving our pain afterwards. Trust me.

So, I'm going to keep writing, don't care whether I've chased happiness or not. Cause I believe, whether or not, I should...