Desperately Need Help! (A Confession)

I’m so tired..

To pretend that everything’s all right in my life

To the obligation of doing and acting good whenever my heart isn’t pretty good. And it happens all the time!

To face my surrounding’s pressure to always display smile on my face

To do something I don’t love

To tell everyone that I’m just a human being. I do mistakes. I’m not an angel. Or a goddess. Why can’t y’all accept that?

To ask an understanding that I’m not on the right pathway. I hate this way. So, please, don’t push me to keep walking here. I want to out of the track!

To discover who I really am.

To live out my life.

Help! I am desperate!

No, it’s not the real me who used to talk to you. Have no idea who the girl really was. She has never given chances to perform the best of herself. She uses to live under the pressure of her surrounding and she can’t get rid of it. So, even she herself doesn’t know who she really is, what she wants and where she’s going.

And she’s tired to live.

Oh, please, can anyone help me to get rid of this?

I am really, really, really tired. Sometime I even feel that my life doesn’t have any meaning actually. Have been trying to do my best. Trying to give my best. But what’s the result? Higher and higher pressure to give the best out of me, not best in my opinion, but in theirs. Oh, how could I?

Oh my goodness..

Know what, if you like to read this blog, maybe you felt inspired or somewhat encouraged, I have no idea how possibly you see my life through this blog. Probably you’ve been considering me spiritual, or believe in God, or have a strong faith, or something like that. (Oh, this gonna make my life worse then!). Yeah, maybe I was. But apparently this is the lowest point in my life. I’m giving up. I am broken. I am dying. This blog has basically been my way to encourage myself to keep survived in my life. In fact, I have not been as good and faithful as what you may see.

Now, I can’t stand anymore!

My heart is empty. My soul is crash. My spirit is desperate.

My life is over for me.

I desperately need help. ASAP.

I wanna die......

Ough. Is there somebody who can help me?

Please, answer me, why ones can’t follow the passion of their hearts?

Why ones should live under the pressure of their surrounding? Isn’t there any free will to follow our hearts?

Oh, why don’t you just kill me? It wouldn’t be a big deal, cause basically, I have died since you knew me.

I am nobody. Who are you?

Don't Be Asleep

He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch." (NIV) Mark 14:33-34

Christ asked Peter, James and John to stay and watch and pray, while he faced the full impact of His coming crucifixion. Christ, who was without sin, was about to take on the sin of the world. In His mental anguish, He looked to His Father, God for strength. And He entreated His friends three times to watch and pray. . . and three times they failed and fell asleep.

What would you do if your friend spoke these words to you? Would you run to their side? Would you stay awake, keep watch and pray for them? Would you be desperate to help comfort them, ease their sorrow, carry their burden? Of course you would; you would never be caught sleeping, or would you?

Every day, people cry out to us for help. Their souls are overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. The problem is, they rarely call out verbally, as directly, as Christ did, and they rarely give us three chances to help. More often than not, you have to look closely, check for subtle symptoms of a broken heart. They may look tired and complain of a poor sleep habits. They may be "too busy" to spend time with you. They may turn to false comforts like drugs, alcohol or even sex. Sometimes, they may cover their sadness with false bravado. Often, they lash out in anger pushing you away when all they want to do is cry out like Christ did.

Ask God to show you who is crying out to you for help today. Have Him show you the signs of those who are in anguish. Reach out to them, pray for them, be there for them. Don't be asleep!

This is such an inspiring devotional I received from Anchor Your life this morning.

But, the question is, what if we apparently are the ones who feel the sorrow like what Jesus felt? What we're gonna do?

I Ask God..

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy,
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for -
but everything I had hoped for.

Almost despite myself,
my unspoken prayers were answered.

I am, among all men,
most richly blessed.

-Anonymous Confederate soldier

Blog Your Blessings Sunday

This January is a blissful month for me. You know what, my first book was reprinted (oh, just in 6 months after the first time it was being published!) and my second one has just published. All together in just a month. What a lovely way to begin a new year!

I believe that God is working. He always works, no matter we realize it or not, no matter we see it or not, He always works for our goodness. Sometimes I feel that He's too busy, or too bored, or maybe He has too many business to do rather than hearing my prayer. But, definitely, it's just the time that matters.

I know now that when God tests us by allowing us to go through our problems, He actually is doing something to process us to be 'useful' not just for our goodness, but also for everyone around us, who we know now or who we'll meet someday. He is shaping and forming us to affect other people's lives. Our life should make a big effect for anyone who comes to us!

To be patient and to survive in life isn't easy. There are times we have to loudly cry, try hard, struggle, fight and to make it worse, we shouldn't stop. We have to keep going and move on. But I believe that a hard life is a life worth-living. By then we learn to walk in our surrender to our God and not lean on our limited understanding. God had put a desire in our heart to reach something bigger than ourselves so we can really trust on Him and ask Him to help us, not just walk our ways, because we -eventually- know that we are not able to walk alone.

I know that God has promised me His abundantly blessings if I keep walking in His righteous ways, so I shouldn't distract and follow Him. Yeah, even though following God's will has been not so easy for me, I'll try to do it. Many great people say that if we willing to follow His ways, we'll find a great adventure we never imagined. And, I intend to do it!

Whoever you are, if you intended to reach up your dreams or live your best life, please, you can design it or manage it by yourself, but don't forget to also ask You Creator to guide and lead you to His plan about your life, for His plans are perfect and fit for us. Even, He can give you anything that 'eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man'. Those are things which God hath prepared for them that love Him (I Cor 2:9). Oh, I speak this from my own experience!:).

Am curious, what blessings He'll give me in the days ahead of me in 2009... :)

Happy Sunday, everyone..

Be Yourself!

In The Beginning

This is such a great insight to start over a new year..

In the beginning God created. . . (NIV) Genesis 1:1

The story of creation gives perspective to the biblical story as a whole. And although Genesis 1 and 2 may appear to be different accounts of creation, they actually stand in a complementary relationship to one another as they reveal the supernatural and the personal natures of God.

Two different Hebrew names are used for God in the first 2 chapters of the Bible. . . "Elohim" in Genesis 1, which conveys the idea of power and transcendence. . . and "Yahweh" or "Jehovah" is used beginning in Genesis 2:4, which conveys the idea of mercy and compassion, implying His immanence and His personal concern for man. Therefore, when the 2 stories are viewed together, we see God who is transcendent over His creation (Genesis 1) . . . and God who is personally involved (immanent) in it (Genesis 2).

When was the last time that you saw God's power demonstrated in your life?
When you think about God does it bring a sense of awe of who He is? a deep reverence?
How do you see God as an active presence in your life? How often during the day do you think about Him? converse with Him?

The same God who had enough power to create and give life, has the power to change any circumstance, any impossible situation and any person! And the same God who was personally concerned with Adam and Eve, is actively concerned and involved in your life. He knows your past, your present and your future. He knows what you need right now. He knows your thoughts. . . and He still loves you with an everlasting love!

A devotional from Anchor Your Life