Friday, January 30, 2009

Desperately Need Help! (A Confession)

I’m so tired..

To pretend that everything’s all right in my life

To the obligation of doing and acting good whenever my heart isn’t pretty good. And it happens all the time!

To face my surrounding’s pressure to always display smile on my face

To do something I don’t love

To tell everyone that I’m just a human being. I do mistakes. I’m not an angel. Or a goddess. Why can’t y’all accept that?

To ask an understanding that I’m not on the right pathway. I hate this way. So, please, don’t push me to keep walking here. I want to out of the track!

To discover who I really am.

To live out my life.

Help! I am desperate!

No, it’s not the real me who used to talk to you. Have no idea who the girl really was. She has never given chances to perform the best of herself. She uses to live under the pressure of her surrounding and she can’t get rid of it. So, even she herself doesn’t know who she really is, what she wants and where she’s going.

And she’s tired to live.

Oh, please, can anyone help me to get rid of this?

I am really, really, really tired. Sometime I even feel that my life doesn’t have any meaning actually. Have been trying to do my best. Trying to give my best. But what’s the result? Higher and higher pressure to give the best out of me, not best in my opinion, but in theirs. Oh, how could I?

Oh my goodness..

Know what, if you like to read this blog, maybe you felt inspired or somewhat encouraged, I have no idea how possibly you see my life through this blog. Probably you’ve been considering me spiritual, or believe in God, or have a strong faith, or something like that. (Oh, this gonna make my life worse then!). Yeah, maybe I was. But apparently this is the lowest point in my life. I’m giving up. I am broken. I am dying. This blog has basically been my way to encourage myself to keep survived in my life. In fact, I have not been as good and faithful as what you may see.

Now, I can’t stand anymore!

My heart is empty. My soul is crash. My spirit is desperate.

My life is over for me.

I desperately need help. ASAP.

I wanna die......

Ough. Is there somebody who can help me?

Please, answer me, why ones can’t follow the passion of their hearts?

Why ones should live under the pressure of their surrounding? Isn’t there any free will to follow our hearts?

Oh, why don’t you just kill me? It wouldn’t be a big deal, cause basically, I have died since you knew me.

I am nobody. Who are you?

3 comments:

Unknown said...

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. {Romans 8:28 NIV}

Be assured that you have been called according to His purpose, and that everything that you are going through is meant to encourage you to want to truly know Him in a very close and personal way--instead of just settling for knowing about Him, which is the way it is for most. For if you were not called for this purpose, you would not be questioning what is going on.

CyberCelt said...

I believe you. I live in Texas in the USA and you can call me, email me or we can set up a chat session.

There is no reason to want to die.

You rob the people who love you, now and in the future, when you do this. And, if you do not succeed, you must wake up and face the people you would have left behind.

If you do it for revenge, the people who you would hurt do not care.

Please get some help. You can call any hotline and say, "I am thinking about suicide" and they will talk to you as long as you want.

I am here if you need help. Send me a message from any of my blogs where it says Contact CyberCelt.

jeanne kristine said...

thank you my dear friends for reading and replying my post. That moment I was very desperate and couldn't help it so I supposed that I need to share that feeling.

I'm getting better and better now. Your both messages were really touched me. Thank you for your sympathy and your words. Am learning to follow God's will, and I'm moving on in this journey, discovering God's purpose in me.

Thank you for encouraging me and thanks also for being God's blessing for me through your words. I mean it.

I'm really appreciate your loving kindness..
Thank you.

xoxo,
K