When Life Is Going Nowhere..

Have you ever felt that your life was going nowhere? Stuck. No ways to walk out. Trapped in a pit without sunshine to shine on your face? Read your Bible, praying and do your Christianity to-do lists without finding anything that gets you out of there?

Yeah.. I have been going through that situation. Reading my Bible without understanding what was God speaking to me, praying without any clue that my prayers will get answered. I have no idea why God seems to leave me. He appears to walk away from me. He has been silent for .. I don't now, it seems forever for me. A long, long time without good connection with God. As I know, I've been trying to do anything good, but I always failed. God seems to be nowhere, don't care how hard I push myself to approach Him.

I just felt I couldn't stand it any longer. I told God this morning to speak to me through anything. I would open my laptop, checked my emails, my daily devotionals, and I was hoping that He heard me and would get me into a place I could meet Him or at least, heard His voice. And you know, I didn't know how, I arrived at Lysa Terkeurst's blog (you can read the post here) where she wrote about her experience with God, and the same feeling as I've been feeling for months.

Here's what she wrote ..

There have been many days in my Christian journey where God was reduced to something on my to do list. Somewhere along the way I picked up a checklist of sort of what good Christians are supposed to do: Pray. Read your Bible. Go to church. Don't cuss. Be nice.

Being the rule following girl I am, I subscribed to that list and waited with great expectations to receive the zap of contentment and happiness good Christians girls are supposed to exude.

And then I felt something was wrong me.

I still felt restless. I still got angry. I still felt a bit hollow.

I was going through all the motions but didn't feel connected to Jesus. Others around me seemed very connected. They would talk of being 'moved by the spirit.' They would hear from God himself. They would clap their hands and shout amen in the middle of a sermon that sounded like Greek to me.

I often felt like a weightless soul grasping at the air hoping to somehow snag this Jesus that was just out of reach.

Have you ever been there?

(You can continue reading by clicking the link above).

And this was exactly what I feel! And yeah.. I also found that this post had 74 comments! It means that almost 74 people once in their lives ever felt this way, too. I continued reading the comments and found this encouraging comment from Joyful (you must read her encouraging blog!).

I read once that the Lord can only be silent with those He knows will continue to seek His face. He sees you. He loves you. He is with you. His word never returns void. Keep spending time with Him. I just really feel He is molding something very special within your heart. I know sometimes it's hard. I know sometimes it's frustrating. Don't give up. He sees the longing of your heart and His Word promises that those who diligently seek Him will find Him.

It got me thinking. Could it be me? Could God be silent with me because He knows that I will continue to seek His face? I don't know. So far, I persevere :).

And this one from Anonymous..

Although life gets hectic, there are reminders all around us. If we look up and see the changing sky, the clouds dancing and changing color. We are experiencing a reminder of the One who created it all.

Okay. I have to admit. Perhaps God has been showing me His clues and direction for me to find, but probably my eyes can't see it clearly, because of all pains and sorrows I've been bearing these times had become my main focus. Hopefully, we all can see His directions through anything He puts around us to remind us that He, God of the universe is there, not leaving us alone..

Forgive me, Lord. Please, let me see You. I want to know You deeper. I want to see Your glory revealed through and in my life. Use me according to Your will. Take my whole life, Lord. Please, don't leave me alone. I can't handle it myself. I need You.

Thank You for speaking to me through certain blogs and its comments.

Blessed be Your Name..

Day 5

Feel so blessed, healthy, happy and grateful today. Feel like I've found my life purpose back. Refreshed. Renewed. Re-energized. Thank God.

I know something good is happening. I don't know what's that. I just feel it. And I know it's true. As true as bright sunlight in the morning.. :)

I just learned something about risk taking. I figured out that everyone received the blessings in The Bible were risk-takers. So many of great peoples are risk takers, too. They picked risky path God took them instead of remained in their comfort zones, and they really worth the rewards.

I believe every risky actions we take will worth doing. Once we give in our lives into something risky God lead us to, we'll get the great adventures. God will never leave us or forsake us. All that we need is just our obedience. I like Oswald Chamber's statement 'All God’s revelations are sealed to us until they are opened to us by obedience. You will never get them open by philosophy or thinking. Immediately you obey, a flash of light comes'. This is true. We can't leap into another level of our faith till we obey Him in one small thing He asks us to doing..

We often ask God to give us clues or clear directions in our journeys with Him. We forget that going without seeing any clue is a true evidence of faith. Like Abraham which Bible says 'By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going..' (Heb 11:8). We may have no idea about how our journeys will end up, but all we need to do is just obeying God for whatever He tells us to do.

Started from Noah, Abraham, Joseph, David, and till now, us, as Christ followers, we are demanded to be risk takers in following and serving our Lord. I think, the most 'risky' action we can take is to give Him the control of our lives. Yes, indeed we like to enjoy staying in our comfort zones, taking all the control of our lives, but we know the risk takers will jump right into the places God takes them..

Where is God leading you to? Is He leading you along a path of obedience? Would you dare to take the risks although unexpected things may happen?

People always says that journey with Jesus is and will always be an amazing adventure. But I don't believe what people says. I want this to be true in my life, so I can experience it by myself..

Let's have a wonderful adventures then! :)

Day 4 -- FAITH

I was reading Mark 7:24-29 this morning, a chapter told about the faith of a Syrophoenician woman, when I felt that I read something I usually ignore..

24Jesus left that place and went to the vicinity of Tyre.[a] He entered a house and did not want anyone to know it; yet he could not keep his presence secret.
25In fact, as soon as she heard about him, a woman whose little daughter was possessed by an evil[b] spirit came and fell at his feet.
26The woman was a Greek, born in Syrian Phoenicia. She begged Jesus to drive the demon out of her daughter.
27"First let the children eat all they want," he told her, "for it is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs."
28"Yes, Lord," she replied, "but even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs."
29Then he told her, "For such a reply, you may go; the demon has left your daughter."
Mark 7:24-29, NIV

Footnotes:

1. Mark 7:24 Many early manuscripts Tyre and Sidon
2. Mark 7:25 Greek unclean

I found something that surprised me on v. 29 'For such a reply, you may go..'.
Not Jesus' power that saved this woman's daughter, but her answer of faith did. I figured out that our faith guide our life. Miracles will only happen as long as we believe. Actually, Jesus' answer wasn't nice to hear, but this woman kept begging Him, and her faith did save her daughter.

Although God is powerful, we can limit Him by our unbelief. Jesus can't work to those who are unbelieving. Sometimes, I consider myself an unbelieving believer. In many situations, I do limit God by my unbelief. I count on myself and hope that all is well, and.. tada! I got nothing!!!I apparently have to tell myself continually that without faith, it is impossible to please Him (Heb 11:6).

O God, I do believe, save me, help me overcome my unbelief..

Day 3

I love them that love me;
and those that seek me early shall find me..
Proverbs 8:17

All I need is that God of Wisdom and Understanding will grant me His wisdom and understanding I need to follow His pathways ..

Love You, Lord..

Day 2

My body was adjusting. I got headache yesterday so couldn't post anything to this blog (and my other blogs!).

To be honest, this journey isn't as easy as what I've ever imagined. I thought about Daniel when he was fasting.. How hard to do this actually, but he succeeded. And I keep trying to do this. All I need to do is just focus to my purpose.. :).

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you..
Psalms 38:9

Day 1 -- Got A Soft Reminder!!!

Today has been in good mood. Everything seems to be okay. Hopefully it will last forever, at least till I finish this 'journey'.

My reading was taken from Proverbs 6 this morning. I use to read 5 chapters of Psalms, 1 chapter of The Proverbs, some of The Old Testament and some of The New Testament everyday. So far, verses that resonated with me was from Proverbs 6:9-11.

9 How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?

10 A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest-

11 and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man.

Oh my.. maybe this is the first thing I need to work up in my life. Yes, I hate to admit this but it's very true. I'm a real procrastinator, like to spend my time doing something I like, not something useful. This verse has been haunting me all day long, you know! Eventually, I conclude that God is preparing me to receive His blessings. But I need to change first before I can take it from Him.

Yeah.. however, The Bible is God Himself, so I have to follow whatever He wants me to do. I'm re-evaluating my life right now, so if there's something I need to change, therefore it must be me!

I missed my french toasts and a cup of coffee, the breakfast menu we use to have here. Oh, can't believe I could do it willingly.. :)

When I watched 'The Answer' -a TV program which broadcasts Christianity programs- (it was like a coincidence -I'm not a TV lover!- but I believe that there's no coincidence in God! He has set and planned everything perfectly!), the hosts were talking about life calling that got me think. So far, I've been so confused about my life calling. Have no idea. Then the host said that to find our life calling, we can ask to ourselves, what our passions are, in which way we can bless other people, and what thing you really enjoy doing it, even though any other people say it's pretty hard to do.

Yeah, honestly, writing has been my passion. Every time I write, I sense God is smiling to me and working through me in His strongest power. I loooove to write and anytime I read my writings, I can sense something wonderful fills in my heart. I know for sure where they come from (they were granted to me from heaven!). I know my life is fulfilled then. It brings me a wonderful joy I can't explain. I always be grateful anytime people emailed me or messaged me, told me that my writings had inspired and encouraged them. You know, it has always been a joy, joy, joy, joy (once is not enough! -smile-) in my heart.

I don't know what's next. Let Him guide me through His Holy Words. Look forward to know what's in His heart for me (after the 'soft reminder' from Prov 6:9-11!)

Speak, Lord, for Your servant is listening..