Today, 13 Years Ago..

Today 13 years ago, I lost my father. He was died mysteriously. I mean, maybe he got heart attack or something like that. He called me by phone 3 times the day before it, and suddenly, when we (me, my mom and my brother) came to the house he was staying (he was in our relative's house in other city -having a ministry- and we would have a holiday together afterward), he had gone. So sad..

Yeah, after my father passed away, sooo many things happened in our family's life. Rejection, denial, intimidation, bullying, conflicts, and any bad things you could never imagined. And.. for years afterward I lived with hatred, bitterness, disappointment, anger, and oh, so inappropriate to mention it one by one here.

I think that my soul was full of bitterness, remembering of what had happened to my family as my father's death. I had even ever thought that I might not be able to continue my life. Couldn't feel peace, or joy or something wonderful in my life, especially if I see who made it to my family. They were people who supposed to be role models or inspirations, and they were people who involved so much in ministry. They shouldn't do it. They should do something to bless my family. But yeah.. the were human beings, too, definitely! And they had let me down..

I just thank God for letting me got through this. If I looked aback, I always found that I've learned so many good things from that experience. I can differ what's good and what's bad. I became known what I should do and what I shouldn't. I understood so many 'how will be my feeling if I get.... like that' feelings, and .. yeah, many wonderful things come from bad things, I guess. I believe that everything will be beautiful in His time. I can't see it right now, but I will later. I believe that anything God has done in my life has always been good. And He never makes mistakes, even though when I consider them mistakes, His plans are perfect and fit for me. Although I fail, His plans will go on in my life..

I can't see my future clearly, but one thing I'm sure, I'll be safe and secure in my journey with Him. I won't my pasts keep haunting me. I've released all spirits which have bound me in my past. I no longer live with bitterness. I wanna live in peace and joy cause I know Who is holding my hand. I'm sure if I didn't loose my father, I may haven't known my Heavenly father, cause my father's shadow was too comfort for me. So, yeah, it might be the best thing had ever came into my life.

Yeah, all I want is that God will reveal His plan unto me, but He apparently won't to. He always be silent and remains mysterious for me. Maybe all that He wants that I just be faithful and willing to be shaped to be a better me, even the best me, for through it the world can see that I've got a Mighty, Alive God in me..

Life isn't fair, but it's good enough, is it?
^^